Fun With Zodiac

Mercury is finally retrograde! Yay! In the next week or so we’ll have five planets in retrograde motion. Five planets in Earth signs and four in Fire. Fire plus Earth equal lava. Lava doesn’t move fast, but nothing can stop it. So you can do anything (whatever you think you’re capable of), but don’t do it fast…
Spot check on where I am: I don’t like you guys! None of your Sun Signs! Here is the reason why:
(Don’t get offended.)‪#‎astrologyforfun‬

Aries♈️
You’re likely to put yourself first without an apology and if I tell you that, you’ll pretend you’ll think about it. You’re Daredevil. A waste of time. And a waste of money. Yo, get out!
(famous Aries: Lady Gaga, Amancio Ortega/second richest person in the world, my ex most potent and most shorter crush and of course in this lovely group my ex-husband-ex-bae, who become rich when I divorce him. Oh God where are you?) 

Taurus♉️
You guys are so stubborn! Your job is to preserve and sustain, and you think that you’re better than everybody around you. Like you have a Ph.D. in all areas of life. Blah. Oh, yes, we are all imperfect, including you. Af.
(famous Taurus: Mark Zuckerberg, my husband ex wanna be, who is hoping that he’ll finally become rich when he divorce me and, my lovely mom)

Gemini♊️
You are knowledgeable about politics, human selfishness, and behavior. Of course, about sports and music too. You are very chatty and inquisitive about everything but come on, stop being the seasoning in every soup. Frankly, my dear you are remarkably bipolar. You don’t walk your talk; I don’t trust you. At all.
(famous Gemini: Donald Trump; Angelina Jolie, a lot of my acquaintance; few of my FB friends, and myself included)

Cancer♋️
You are secretly emotional on every level and at some point, for sure, you’ll go to use emotional manipulation to get somewhere, but don’t get toxic. Let it go.
And No, thanks. I have been there.
(famous Cancer: Selena Gomez, Tom Cruise, my son, his GF, my dentist and the biggest platonic and most pathetic love of my life. Eww. ) 

Leo♌️
Leo the King. You are bossy, dogmatic and intolerant imao. (Offend them and your “dead”.) I can either love to hate them or hate to love them. There is no other way about it. Needless to say, how I feel about you guys right now…
(famous Leo:Barack Obama, Madonna, and my dad) 

Virgo♍️
Oh, yes, I know, you are a perfectionist, but isn’t over criticizing everything and everyone your soul purpose? Take a deep breath, listen to what I’m saying and reflect on it. You are not the center of the world. Your life is a complete mess. Seriously honey, have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? (Need some Lemonade, right?)
(famous Virgo: Beyonce Knowles, Bernie Sanders and my excellent friend and my ex-excellent friend (lot ex’s right?): 

Libra♎️
50% of you is not sure, and another 50% just doesn’t now yet! Again? There is no way that I can tolerate your indecisiveness anymore. Enough is enough.
(famous Libra: Kim Kardashian, Eminem, my delightful Vienna friend, and Zoza)

Scorpio♏️
It will be so helpful, if you would please move your secretive obsessive and compulsive life out of my way. Once and for all.
(famous Scorpio: Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio and my husband best friend)

Sagittarius♐️
Comm’n Who the hell needs hopefulness and confidence about the future 24/7? I’m sick of your irresponsibility. We’re done here.
(famous Sag:Brad Pitt and 3/4 of my lovely neighbors)

Capricorn♑️
“Miserable and fatalistic.” Successful and boring. Warning: contains NO empathy. Don’t have time for you. Tysm, but not in this incarnation.
(famous Capricorn: LeBron James, Michelle Obama, Kate Middleton and my mother in law/Ouch.) 

Aquarius♒️
Isn’t it enough of your awkwardness and unpredictability? “Me first” attitude under the skin. Really?
Fun fact: Being completely Unemotional is not fancy.
(Ellen DeGeneres, my husband stinky gf, and my sister in law )

Pisces♓️

Hey, great chameleons don’t get fooled, don’t suffer again! There is no such thing as a parallel dimension…
I’ll welcome you to reality. When you finally arrived here.
(famous Pisces: Rihanna my therapist and my Starbucks barista)