It’s about time. New Moon on April 7th, 2016

“It is not that the meaning cannot be explained. But there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words.”― Haruki Murakami1Q84
                                                                                                                                 
If you have felt irrevocably lost in the previous months,
If your opportunities had disappeared before you used them, and people have kind of stepped aside when you came through
If you wondered if your fortune was turning against you,
If you avoided beginning what you have to do, to dare, to call…
if you, in those first few months of 2016, found the rationally justified reasons for decision-making delayed
now, 
it’s about time, for all your feelings above to make a U-turn. For a new start. For a remarkable new beginning.
Break down your old ways of being. Isn’t about a time to stand up for what you believe in?
This Aries energy is super quick, so clear the air and move on. I’m inclined to believe that we can make a fresh start. As fast as we can.
 
The New Moon falls on April 7th at 4:23 am Pacific and 12:23 pm UK time (at 18º Aries), giving us a chance, and following with an unexpected surprise and making a window of opportunities, from now to April 18th (New Moon conjunct Uranus).
This is an action-oriented New Moon. It’s about bringing forward truth and hope to reality. We will have a primal need to go over tradition and to break through barriers.

If you were born in the last few days of the May, December, August or February, you would feel this powerful energy more than others (key days for you are around April 16th-10th). 

If your birthday is around the 10th of the January, April, July or Libra (the cardinal signs) in the following days (6th-15thof April), you’ll most likely expect sudden eruptive and shocking news or events.

Since true happiness is not a matter of conditional tenses, but maximizing what you have at present, what you can change, and what you are becoming in that process if you want to be happy right now— be. As simple as that.

Fall in California

I headed to the southeast, uttering and trampling everything that I’ve ever learned about people, their crossroad, tragic breakdown or natural aging. I left behind the theory of changing forms (beings and things). Still going toward the southeast, walking on my tippy-toes, I come across thoughts about the destiny of people I knew in the course of this life as it was, until now, and meant be.

The thoughts are hazy and definite/warm and cold. At the same time. Harsh. Like in a Dream. Switching to Denial mode, I feel Hands on My back. They Create an Expectation. False hope. Mess. And. self-Deception. Long Line of thoughts. Unbreakable.

They are separate from me. No, I would not be surprised if I see the spirits on the walls in front of me, walking, like in the old dramas, because the bigger and improbable “miracles” happen to me and around me. The mystery was playing out and terrifying doom around.

Frozen icy wind saying instead roaring, the old worn truths:

Do not believe what you see. Do not believe what you read. Do not believe what you hear. Believe only what you feel.

But…feelings are complex, multidimensional, interpersonal. So, I stop. Take a deep breath. Turn around. And. Change direction.

…you’ll understand. deep in the marrow of your masculine core, you already know that I didn’t come to you to play safe and pass the time, simple scoring goals…

 

 

Posted in LA

Delusional

          delusional

            Someone who is not thinking clearly, or thinks something will happen that, in all likelyhood, will not. (urban dictionary)
adjective
Having false or unrealistic beliefs or opinions (dictonary.com)

 

Dodje tako neki dan, preneražen od zore, zgrožen nad samim sobom, još više nad tobom, koji jedva cekaš da se završi, a pošteno nije ni počeo. Razvlači se natenane od jutarnje kafe, zorom u pet ujutru, pred svitanje i vrti se u krug kao da ima ceo jedan vek pred sobom. A tebe nada da će na brzinu proći i da će sutra, sve izgledati pozitivnije i nasmejanije, ne napušta. Da će, eto, samo od sebe, to monsturuozno saznanje da nisi bio u pravu, da je mnogo toga bila zabluda, da su ti ‘svrake popile mozak’, da ti je racio bio na odmoru godinama, a pragmatičnost i common sense na dugom proputovanju po belom svetu i to naravno bez tebe, samo nestati. iSpariti.

Dodje i nikako da prodje. Natera te u stanje – dobro kuvana svinjska nogica – koja je toliko ljigava da ne možes, sve i da ti je nekim čudom do toga, da je pipneš, uvatiš, zauzdaš, pojedes, svariš. Hemigvejski onako, duboko. Osećaš se kao javni bazen dostupan svima samo ne samom sebi i prosto ne možes da shvatiš, kako su neki tvoji potezi, odluke i razmlišljanja bili potaman za neku sjajnu dijagnozu, onu koja se od oka vidi i kako nisi čuo, neke glasove razuma, koji su se kao iz daljine čuli, što iz tvoje glave što iz nekih glava/usta oko tebe…Pitaš se, u pozadini dešavanja, kako je moguće da si za nešto čekao godinama, palamudio pišuci sebi dnevne eseje u stilu: 

However, it takes a lot of patience. They say the most important is to think about what you want, but I do not know how it is in some kind of units of measurement, in minutes, or Joule spent on thoughts. Isn’t it just an imagination? Is it just an award that will be bestowed upon the one who always takes care of something actually equivalent to the happiness we feel when we dream, daydreaming or go completely mad? … Finally, what about a consequence of action taken (or not taken) in our lives?

Ej, ne palamudio, živeo sa tim…Ako se hvatam za detalje, Preživeo, prezicnije zvuči.

Dodje tako neki dan, obično bude onaj posle Subote,  i traje ko stogodišnji san. I ništa ne pomaže. Ni hemija u spektru od lakih narkotika do teških alkohola, ni fizika, u rasponu od šetanja do teškog planiranja, ni bilogija u dijametrima od nagosnkog do naučnog. Ama bas ništa.

Nemam opravdanje. Ni za sebe a kamoli za druge. A baš bi mi neko svojski dobro leglo.

Čekajuci sutrašnji dan, najviše me iritira što niko neće da saoseća sa mnon. Da prizna, onako muški, ovakve dane. Da bar neko drekne naglas da je pogrešio, bio u zabludi. Pogrešno procenio, odmerio, isekao. Iskrvario od gluposti. Ma ne, Svi se svojski trude da isti ne postoje, servirajući mi da bi sve što su uradili ili nisu uradili, baš isto  (tako da imaju kojim bednim slučajem još neku šansu za povratak) pa ih ne prijave ni sebi, a kamoli meni. A bilo bi mi lakse. Da verujem da nisam jedina. Da nisu moje slike najgore i moji postupuci ispad u seriji savrešno ispravnih onih oko mene. ( gde se prečnih ‘tih oko mene’ širi od jedne od 6000 milja…)

Čekajuci da prodje, da sve samo od sebe nestane, da premostim, da izignorišem podatak da sam od istog očekivala mnogo više, samo da ne moram ništa po pitanju sumanutih zaključaka donešenih na freaky day,  da uradim. Lenja sam. Delusional sam. I neporavljiva sam. A i vi ste. Eto.